Random thoughts on a cloudy day….

Over the weekend I watched a movie (based on a true story) about a young man with cancer. In one scene he is struggling to maintain hope and he is giving in to despair and questioning making plans for the future. It’s at this point that a friend tells him, “Until you die…. you live”.  Simple statement, profound words. It reminded me of a conversation I had with my daddy a couple of months before he passed away.

We were talking about all the places he and mom had traveled over the years and the look on his face expressed how much he loved sharing those memories. He told me the places he enjoyed the most and why and I told him of our dream to get a camper and travel to some of those places. I told him of the trips I had planned in my head and how I couldn’t wait to start living that dream…. he looked at me and with tears in his eyes he said, “don’t wait too long”. I’m not sure what my expression said to him but he looked me right in the eyes and said “don’t wait till it’s too late. You don’t know what’s down the road”.  I know that he and mom had always planned to travel after daddy retired but two brain tumors, a heart attack and cancer prevented them from doing all the travelling they dreamed of.  Just a short few weeks later, he was gone.

And it wasn’t long before a nagging in my brain started…. a nagging to “get busy living”. So it began. Preparing the house to sell. Clearing out, cleaning out and purging. Plans to sell and relocate closer to our families. Downsizing. Why do I hate that word so much? Why is it so hard to give up “stuff”. Years of accumulation of stuff. Some of it in boxes or closets for years… untouched. But it is hard; Very hard to let it go. The memories are vivid and real. I have learned that purging and getting rid of things leads to a range of emotions, in fact, I think in a 30 minute purge session the other day I went through every emotion; sadness, laughter, crying, happiness, pain, joy… so much of life wrapped up in those things. But then it occurred to me that the memories were not really in those “things”. Those “things” just remind us of the memory of that special time, with that special someone. Whether I have that “thing” or not, I will always have my memories. Those are in my heart where they will remain forever.